60 above (16C)
Floridians wear coats, gloves and woolly hats.
50 above (10C)
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Chicagoans plant gardens.
40 above (5C)
Italian cars won't start.
Chicagoans drive with the windows down.
32 above (0C)
Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.
20 above (-7C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Chicagoans have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
15 above (-9C)
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Chicagoans throw on a sweatshirt.
Californians fly away to Mexico.
Chicagoans lick the flagpole.
20 below (-29C)
People in Miami cease to exist.
Chicagoans get out their winter coats.
40 below (-40C)
Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
60 below (-51C)
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets
80 below (-62C)
Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
Chicagoans rent some videos.
100 below (-73C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Chicagoans get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
297 below (-183C)
Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 below (-273C)
ALL atomic motion stops.
Chicagoans start saying...."Cold 'nuff for ya?"
500 below (-296C)
Hell freezes over.
The Chicago Cubs win the World Series
[back to Sean Parnell's Chicago]